I’ve been in a lot more pain lately, and I can’t really pinpoint why, though I suppose with my conditions, it’s not really possible to do so. With chronic pain conditions like Ehlers-Danlos and fibromyalgia and similar stuff, sometimes you just feel worse than you did before. Sometimes you feel better eventually, and sometimes you don’t. It’s really frustrating, to feel what I imagine is semi-normal some days, and then going back to being so horribly, terribly sore. It’s hard, to be reminded all the damn time of how sick I am, of how I will never be able to keep up with my friends.
For instance- my roommate and friend, Wah, takes her dog, Peanut, to the park on the weekend sometimes for a good time, and she has invited me to come along every time so far. But…I remember that I can’t really say “Yes!” I can’t really close the laptop, hop in the car, and play frisbee with the dog. Even as I type this, I had to pause in order to slip on my ankle brace, because damn does my ankle hurt (not that I’ve done anything to make it hurt, other than existing). I have to plan days ahead of time to make such an excursion, saving up spoons by showering as little as possible, staying off my feet, staying under the heated blanket and keeping my joints warm and slightly exercised, keeping well-hydrated- all kinds of things to make sure I’m well enough to go to the park with my friend and her dog.
It’s so, so frustrating, not to even mention the poor treatment you get from strangers, being a young person in a wheelchair. But…that’s a post for another time.